CUP FINAL: Chew Magna 0 v 4 EM95

21st May, 2023 Wick Stadium

TEAM: Sir, Teague, Jim, Drane, Neil, Rob, Stu, Duds, Yinka, Sheri, Morgs SUBS: Rick, Alex, Elford, Jones, Ford, Colonel

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Apologies in advance for the editorial bias of this report, but in his defence it was one of the Colonels' greatest days of his 28 year Easton Monday career.

CUP FINAL RESULTS IN HISTORIC DOUBLE!

The sun was shining as the teams arrived at Wick Stadium for the early afternoon kick off. Initially players were pleased to see that they were asked to park on the pitch in the hope they could use some of the cars as additional defenders (apart from Yinka’s, whose personalised plated BMW was going nowhere near the ball).

Alas they were informed that we would be playing on the (even bigger) pitch behind. The 95ers had the luxury of an almost full squad (only Bri and Yarrow missing) which would allow some welcome team rotation under the sweltering midday Sun! A full week of selection headaches, formation discussions and tactics ensued right up to the last minute. Draner was the final piece in the jigsaw of decisions and what a final piece he turned out to be.

Both sides lined up and the ref gave both teams a warning that his word was final and any moaning wouldn’t be tolerated, Monday breathed a collective sigh a relief for Brian's absence.

Monday got off to their traditional slow start as Chew started fast and strong, flying into a few early dodgy challenges to try and get the upper hand.

For the first twenty the 95ers didn’t really string more than two passes together but kept it solid and battled hard against a determined opposition. As Morgs told reporters after the game.. “We met their first 30 mins of gobby physical play with increasingly intelligent football, passing them into submission as the game wore on.” Yinka added… “We struggled to get a string of passes together and the early tactic of concentrating the play on the right meant that Rob and Neil had a lot of the ball and also a lot of Chew defenders to deal with.” Not surprisingly Neil got a ticking off from the ref for his usual use of the 'Brian Rance Rant'. More surprising was that mild mannered Dr Rob also dished out a dose of the verbals to the Chew squeaky-moans-silly left back.

The composure of James and pace of Draner in his super-sweeper role ensured nothing was coming through the Monday defence and neither side looked threatening.

With the early storm weathered the Blues started to get a few moves going, one typically enterprising run from Yinka saw a cross picked up by Rob who’s low cross was fired wide by Sheri. Sheri was excelling in good old fashion centre forward play, nowhere near the goal but outside the box he was holding the ball up well and playing in the midfielders.

A nice little run from Yinka saw the defender nick the ball off him as he sized up a shot and Duds went close from the edge of the area after good link up play, shooting just wide of the top corner.

As Monday got into their stride the move of the half saw them pass through the lines, a teasing cross from Stu on the left with a leaping Morgs powering a header just wide.

Sir Lee had one save to make, tipping a shot round a post after Chew caught the defence out of position after trying to push out on a counter attack.

HT 0-0 and the usual half time random shouting of football cliches. However, Sheri had been banging on all half about some fictitious slope on the pitch and his mind games meant that the Monday turned around with a false sense that the 2nd half would be a walk in the park.

Alex replaced Neil at left back, Rick swapped with Teaguey and Elford gave Stu a breather in midfield.

Ten minutes into the half, Chews’ resistance was finally broken. A free kick which no one seemed interested in with the absence of Brian was picked up by Duds, who after a powderpuff of a free kick in the last game decided to put his laces through it (see Rivelino 1970 WC). The keeper got himself in all sorts of trouble and only managed parry it to Dr Rob who just kept running to chest/belly the ball over the line. 1-0.

The Blues went up a gear at this point and soon had another. A counter attack saw a Dr Rob cross picking out a marauding Al who decided to give two fingers to defending as he charged past the midfield and attackers to shoulder the ball over the line after the ball came off the crossbar. As Sheri observed… “F@ck knows what he was doing up there.” 2-0.

Monday were dominating by now, and the much feared dangerous scoreline of 2-0 meant they had to be on our toes even though they hadn’t really caused Lee any problems, one set piece could put them back in it. The talking at the back was really good all game to help snuff out any danger.

Chances kept coming for the Blues and the Chew keeper saved twice from Morgs before he went through, keeper saving again with Stu getting to the rebound first, he went to shoot but slipped which caused him to make a good contact with the ball to make it 3-0. This meant Stu had scored in every round of the cup (see Jairzinho 1970 WC). Having rotated the squad to give everyone some game time, the Colonel was reluctant to come on until either Sheridan or Yinka told him “Take Morgs off, he’s had a great game but he ain’t going to score in a month of Sundays!!!”, that’s all the inspiration he needed to show the boys how it was done! Put through for the first time on goal Colonel lashed the ball wide, to be fair, despite the warm conditions, the old man was still cold, like a vintage engine.

The icing on the cherry on the cake was to follow, Jim winning the ball in the centre, flicking it to Stu who carried the ball forward to the edge of area before slipping the ball wide into the path of the onrushing Colonel who smashed the ball home. A champagne moment as the player himself recalled… “It all seemed to happen in slow-mo as I saw the ball roll inch perfectly to my right foot. Recalling my own advice to get my head over the ball and ‘make the keeper make a save' I put the laces through it and smashed it as hard as I could. Seeing the net bulge I embarrassed myself by putting my arms aloft in celebration (or surprise)...realising this I decided against the knee slide as Stu attempted to hoist me over his shoulder amongst the several ‘high-fives’ that came my way…fairy tale stuff.” As midfiled maestro Duds described in his Daily Sport column… “A wonderful passing move by the Monday saw a big gap open up on the right size of their box, with the ball rolled between their centre half and left back the boy Carlos Alberto Purnell connected with a thunderbolt which flew in with venom. It had all the hall marks of Brazil’s 4th goal of the 1970 World Cup Final; fluidity, panache, style, guile." Fellow old-timer Jones told Sky Sports after the game… “Just gotta say how chuffed I was to see Colonel score today. It felt like he’d been rewarded for all the years of hard work in those few seconds. Scoring a goal in a competitive match at any level is fantastic but to score with such a great finish in cup final and with a team that’s just clinched a double just doesn’t happen for thousands and thousands of players, it really doesn’t get a lot better.”

In the dying moments of the game Chew were awarded a ludicrous penalty against Elford’s dino-arms. Chew had the good manners to blast wide, possibly put off by a glaring Sir Lee who wanted his clean sheet bonus or as Sheri told his Tiktok fans… “He booted it over the posts higher than Brian could of.” The Monday’s surpassed that great 1970 Brazil side with a clean sheet in the final.

Final score 4-0. The 95ers lift the cup and with it complete the Double! In his post match press conference Ben Ford commented… “A great game for Monday played in the right spirit by both teams and the ref also controlled the game from inside the centre circle as he didn’t look fit enough to run any further.” Yinka told his waiting fans… “It was an enjoyable game played in the right spirit, but there was only every going to be one winner.” Phillpott added… “Chew were very gracious in defeat and gave us a hell of game, especially In The first half. The squad won us this one as the hard work was put in during that first half, allowing us to play our passing game and use the subs perfectly.” Alex summed it up nicely telling reporters… “We all had a great game...It was fantastic to see Steve back on the team after his mid-season heart attack. Shout out to the great job that Mark did in defence, sacrificing his usual attacking threat and that beautiful last goal that the boss scored. The celebration shows how we all cared for this win and for each other.”

Men Of the Match: All with of them special mention for Draner.