CUP SEMI FINAL: EM95 1 v 0 Decliners

Sunday April 13th, 2025 CCSG Stadium

TEAM: Sir Lee, Dan, Neil, Jim, Teague, Yinka, Stu, Duds, Al, Draner, Ford

SUBS: Morgs, Dr Rob, Sheri, Jones, Colonel

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HALLELUJAH! THE HAPPY MONDAYS

The Blues turned up for the cup semi with a potential 18 man squad (someone muttered something about the glory seekers coming out of the woodwork for their imaginary end of season medals) but with Bri (feeling rough) and Manny still uncertain about his hamstring the Blues were all set with a handy 16 squad with Dr Rob passing a late fitness test on his achillies.

Monday were surprised to see an almost empty bench for the opposition compared to their own which included several over 60 ‘veterans’. Sheri’s pre-match team talk started with a stato update reminding all that the squad average age was 55 but with no one in the squad actually being 55. They are broadly full of young whipper snappers (50 year olds) or old dogs knocking near 60 or over. Cup final chances will not be many more for some so the message was, for the old boys to empty the tank and the young guns to do it for the old dogs.

A big hand also went up for those that had attended all 9 games this season: 

Sir Lee, Teague, Jim, Duds, Yinka, Draner, Sheri

Surprisingly the Decliners changed from their usual galactico approach in favour of a hometown tighter squad with more defensive tactics, which made for a very tight game. Despite the pre match banter the pressure was on Monday to perform on this lovely Sunday morning. The Blues played into the wind first half and it was clear from the opening tussles that Decliners were closing the space quicker and Monday were in for a tough game. The first 20 mins were dominated by the 95ers but the best chance probably fell to the Decliners No9. He cut an isolated figure up front but was a threat. On one occasion he got behind the Monday defence but was eventually crowded out. Draner had an early chance with a through ball that came at him 30 yards out, he was on to it in a flash but the advancing keeper put him off and his shot went tamely wide. After that Draner switched to become the right sided striker and Monday got more joy as he broke clear to feed Fordy who found space but he struck it too well just over the bar. Stu and Duds were bossing the midfield, they were seeing a lot of the ball and dictating the play with Dan, Rob and Draner exploiting the right side of the pitch well and making the Decliners defence work hard.

Alex pulled his calf early so on came Dr Rob on the right with Yinka switching to the left. Morgs came on for Fordy after 30 mins. Jim and Neil were again solid at the back, Jimbo and Stu loved to tease the Decliners players with their intricate passing, sometimes a little too much to give Sir Lee a scare but it was entertaining to see, even in such a tight game. It did result in Jim getting a telling off for putting the team under pressure for some sloppy passes. Duds was getting fed up with the oppo falling over easily and Draner gave their centre back an accidental shiner.

Teague and Yinka managed to keep the left side tight, not as much forward movement as usual but more the tactic that they shall not score. Teague even managed to surgeinto the opposition territory as he later elaborated on the Graham Norton Show… “Inspired by the recent run of good form from the Villa, I picked up the ball just inside our half and surged forward Matty Cash style. I picked out Draner in the box, but then noticed the space at the far post, torn between a cross and a shot I swung in a hopeful shot which turned out to be more of a cross, so I put my shirt over my head celebration on hold and shuffled back to my own half where I rightfully belong. In another universe I’m still celebrating that goal.” Monday did have one scare when the Decliners midfielder picked up a through and cut inside into the penalty box, Sir Lee came out to face him and the player somehow managed to drift pass him but over hit the ball and Neil managed to hook the ball clear, a close call against the run of play but nevertheless showed how dangerous Decliners could be on the break. A goal was chalked off when their keeper dropped the ball under a challenge and Dan who rolled the ball in. Up went to linesman’s flag and after a lengthy consultation, after he’d given the goal, the ref changed his mind and gave a foul. Second half saw the line up remain with Sheri, Jones and Colonel needing time to warm up their very old bones before their entrance.

According to defensive stalwart Jim… “Second half I thought was more comfortable. Pressure ramped up. Their Lino was flagging for everything even blatant -  should be docked Corinthian points I reckon." A long ball through for Morgs to chase seemed to create a running wrestling match as Morgs and the centre back chased the ball. It culminated in their centre back deliberately slapping the ball into touch with his right hand and then denying it as the ref was blindsided.

This did not go down well given that Monday had reversed a free kick against Decliners on the edge of their box in the first half, very corinthian as someone said he was going to give a penalty?

With 30 mins left Sheri had seen enough so it was time to bring on the BOMB SQUAD. It worked for the South African rugby team so why not the 95ers? As Yinka observed… “instead of bringing on fresh legs the boss bought on experienced legs, this was a semi-final after all, and as in previous games the fear from the bench was that the kids on the pitch did not quite have the mental toughness to ‘make that moment’…also age has nothing to do with quality and these guys were desperate for the game NOT to go into extra time, it would have been the finishing of them.” So with 184 years experience on came Sheri for Morgs, Jones for Dr Rob with Yinka shifting over to the right and Colonel for Teague.

Chances started to come for Monday and it felt only a matter of time a goal would come but with the same sense that Decliners could also easily mug them and then hang on. With Yinka on the right wing, he managed to get on to a searching ball from Dan, stay on side (which was a miracle for any Monday player since Decliners played a very high line and a very flag happy lino) and whip in a fierce cross for Sheridan whose header connected firmly but too near the keeper who got a good reactive hand to it. Jim missed a ‘difficult’ header from a Drane corner.

With time ticking away penalty thoughts were building but then came Jones down the left, rolling back the years he shimmied past a few players, then beat them again for good measure crossed the ball and found Dan who had broken free from the shackles of defending and pounced on a save from the keeper to hit the ball towards goal with backspin. The ball looped over the keeper and was trickling towards goal. The last defender and Yinka were bearing down on the ball, a last ditch lunge by the defender saw him nearly clear the ball as he fell to the ground. The ball rose above his head and crossed the line before Yinka could claim he scored the goal...1-0 to Monday! Jones later told Gary Lineker on MOTD… “I Managed a whipped in cross which caused mayhem in their box. Without my glasses all I could see was several players falling over the ball and it slowly rolling into the goal.” In addition to Jones rolling back the years on the left, dribbling and leaving defenders in his wake, Sheridan was keeping the centre half quiet with his bullying runs and Colonel provided some unique old school shithousery to run the clock down by literally dribbling the ball into touch not once, but twice! As Yinka told Sky Sports after the game… “it was a full team performance, solid, patience and controlled, like a bloody good malt, aged to perfection, definitely life in the old dogs!!!” Despite more pressure the Blues didn’t quite get the second, a sweet strike from Dan was well saved. Monday continues to look solid at the back and saw out the game. The post match Prosecco tasted sweet and the double is on! After the match Sheri told his legion of fans on his Facebook page… “We saw out the game and ended deserved winners of a tough cup game, as you would expect with a semi final. The cup final beckons with the Monday still chasing an historic Double Double along with trying to win all leagues games in a season, something that EM95 have never achieved before.” Jones sarcastically added… “Someone needs to consider how team was picked as obviously the team at end was much superior.” The final word goes to Yinka (of course) who told anyone who was listening down the pub… “Today was a brilliant team performance and would have been perfect until Brian started talking about turning up when he was ill would automatically qualify him for a medal and Manny did not have to actually come on to qualify for a medal but just get in the team photo…the debate goes on…who will qualify for those mystical medals?”

MoM. Team performance that kept going until the final whistle.