Easton Monday 9 v 1 Red Star

November 16th 2-25

Venue - Clifton College Stadium

TEAM - TBC

SUBS - TBC

---

NINE BEFORE NOON On a crisp morning that smelt faintly of deep heat and ambition, Easton Monday 45 produced the sort of performance that makes you briefly wonder if pre-season stretching might actually have been worth it.

Lined up in a neat and tidy 4-5-1, the Monday looked organised from the off. Not just organised in the “everyone vaguely in position” sense, but properly drilled. They pressed with intent, moved the ball quickly, and generally behaved like a side who had somewhere else to be by lunchtime.

The Early Salvo

It did not take long.

1–0 – Fordy (assist: Sheri) Sheri provided the opener with the casual ease of a man buttering toast. A simple, composed assist. Fordy applied the finish. No fuss, no drama. Just efficient Sunday business.

2–0 – Sheri Sheri then decided assisting was overrated and rose above the defence with surprising elegance. The header was guided beyond the keeper, who observed events with the detached air of a man waiting for a bus.

3–0 – Sheri Minutes later, Sheri was at it again. A cool slide into the left corner, struck cleanly and with just enough flourish to suggest he had once seen a clip of Marco van Basten on YouTube. By the 11-minute mark, two goals and an assist. That is what HR would call “exceeding expectations”.

With his morning’s work complete, Sheri wisely withdrew to the touchline and into a dry robe. No lap of honour. Just a man content with a job efficiently done.

4–0 – Duds Before the break, Duds rose between the centre-backs like a man claiming the last biscuit at tea. The header was emphatic. The kind that says, “I was always favourite for this.”

Half-time arrived with Red Star looking like a side who had agreed to the wrong kick-off time.

Second Half: No Mercy, But Polite About It

If Red Star had hoped for a gentle restart, those hopes lasted approximately 30 seconds.

5–0 – Fordy (assist: Arron) Arron slipped Fordy through almost immediately. Fordy finished with the calm of a man who had done this sort of thing before. Clinical rather than flashy. The footballing equivalent of filing paperwork correctly.

5–1 – Own Goal (Andy, unfortunately) Red Star’s consolation arrived via Andy, who, in an act of committed defending, slid heroically only to divert the ball past his own keeper. Brutal luck. The sort that earns sympathy in the moment and merciless reminders in the pub. Any notion of momentum shifting was swiftly dismissed.

6–1 – Adam (assist: John) Adam curled a measured effort into the right corner after John’s tidy lay-off. Composure personified. No celebration beyond a modest nod, as if he had merely corrected a spelling error.

7–1 – John Having assisted, John decided he rather liked the idea of scoring too. After a morning of near misses, he finally guided one beyond the keeper. Persistence rewarded.

8–1 – Dan Earlier denied by a goal-line clearance, Dan refused to accept injustice. A well-timed header restored balance to the universe.

9–1 – Arron (assist: Manny) The final flourish came courtesy of Manny, back from injury and distributing passes with suspicious levels of quality. A clever round-the-corner ball released Arron, who did the rest. Timing, pace, finish. Lovely stuff.

Post-Match Observations

Manny, clearly refreshed, sprayed passes with hints of Kevin De Bruyne about him. His assist for the ninth was the pick of the bunch.

The referee, perhaps caught up in the mood, complimented the Mondays on their “lovely one-two touch football”, a phrase rarely heard at this level and worth framing.

In the cold showers, Manny confidently discussed Red Star’s shot count. Tim calmly noted it had been exactly the sort of defensive day he enjoys, which is to say, largely theoretical.

The Verdict

Superior fitness. Intelligent pressing. Technical sharpness. And just enough theatrical flourish to keep things interesting.

A 9–1 win rarely needs embellishment. The 45ers were simply better in every department, efficient without being smug, ruthless without being rude.

Corinthian spirit intact. Goal difference significantly improved. Dry robes fully justified. MoM - TBC