Current Season: 2009/10

Easton Monday 7 - 1 Barely Athletic

[04 Oct : Fry's]

They say the difference between a cup-winning side and a potential cup-winning side can be assessed by the depth of quality on the bench. But in the case of last year's Cup Champions, Easton Monday, this theory seems to have gone to pot. With only 1 sub available for the vital let's-see-if-the-opening-game's-first-half-romp-was-a-total-fluke-one-off-unlikely-to-reoccur-unless-Barely-Athletic-truly-do-live-up-to-their-name second match of the new season, the Monday gave an initial indication of what might be a recurring obstacle (not enough fit players) for making this the year of the coveted (and elusive) double.

A nice, dry morning meant the Keynsham pitch wasn't several inches underwater - how would that affect our passing game and had the team brought 'mouldies' as well as flippers?

Barely lined up with a strong looking team, minus the bloke who looks like a 70's detective but with 'Squealer' up front - remember his high-pitched yelp when Mad Danny brushed his ankle a couple of years ago? Felix voiced some worrying concerns: "I get the feeling that today could be the day when it all goes horribly wrong." There's nothing like a motivational speech...

Monday got off to a solid start and forced a first goal of the season from Newbs making his first start of the season - An incisive through ball by Monday's diminutive (and only foreign) center forward, Morgan put the speedy left-winger clear on goal and a right foot finish from close range that still managed to find its way in via the goalie! Second goal came from Nick Hurley, holding off a couple of defenders before slotting home.

Third goal came from Felix (although he'd already turned away in disgust and thus didn't see it go in) who chipped one straight at the keeper but somehow managed to 'york' him! Brian recalls the goal thus..."I fed the ball square to Francis, as Francis progressed, I followed and put myself into a great position to receive the ball back and shoot from the edge of the box, Francis had other ideas and chipped the ball inventively into the path of the Goalkeeper, nobody else, just the Goalkeeper. This was, however, a smart move on Francis part as the top/side/back spin with swerve that he put on the ball made it trickle invitingly into the Goalkeepers hands, or so he thought, the Goalkeeper then called for the ball so loudly that the vibration of his voice caused the ball to move in the wizardly way that Francis had set out to do, this then caused a huge deviation of the flight straight into the back of the net, well just over the goal line to be honest as there wasn’t enough power to make it to the back of the net. After the game he was heard to say “I meant that”.

The makeshift defence (Tim Miller & Ben Ford at centre backs) was holding up reasonably well despite looking a bit flimsy and everyone shouting at everyone else.

Second half: Within a couple of minutes coming on as sub colonel found himself surging (as only potbellied 48yr old casual league strikers can) into the box, yelling politely for newbs to hit the 'spot'. Now after playing alongside Newbs for several seasons the players have usually confused ourselves as to where the spot is. Colonel explains..."If I go near post Newbs will cross to the back. If I go back post the cross will fall short. On this occasion however my fresh(ish) legs managed to (much to my team mates amazement) propel me through the air at the back post ala Franny Lee (one there for the over40s) to meet the cross sweetly and much to my own amazement direct the ball just inside the far post.

Or as Brian recalled..'Colonel “tripped” and whilst mid air, the ball bounced off his head. Some said great goal, those in the know, knew!' Though I prefer Tiger Teague's description...'flying through the air, colonel's long locks trailing in the wind like a stallions mane, he made perfect contact with the dipping ball, back of the net. I'm sure I heard Nessun Dorma playing in the background.'

From the sidelines Morgan's reported... 'while I was taking in fluids and trying to get my left lung re-inflated The Colonel scored a memorable diving header. But even he would probably agree it was more a case of just him losing his footing on a piece of discarded chewing gum at the precise moment Newby decided to go it alone and have a go at net but sliced the ball into what ended up being a pretty half decent cross (for our falling shag-haired super-sub to magnificently turn into the back of the Barely Athletic goal). Who'd have thought?'

Once again a tactical masterstroke from coach yarrow (though infact colonel was only on the pitch because Morgan was just knackered.)

A couple of lovely moves provided Hurley with his hat trick. Rob Adams was showing the benefits of actually crossing the ball from the right instead of waltzing past the entire defence and then shooting wide (yes, I'm talking about you Jonesy.)

And then another most extraordinary thing happened, the ball was played wide left toward a startled Cummins(back on for Hat Tick Hurley), Rance, who was having quite a good game, came flying across calling for it (literally barged the poor Canadian to the ground) and off he went, sprinting (sort of) toward the bye line, he looked up and seeing Cummins on the edge of the area pulled the ball back, now Cummins being somewhat younger and of course quicker than Rance meant that the ball needed to be played forward and not backward. Fear not, backing up was Francis to drive the ball home from the edge of the box.......... when I say home, I don’t mean the goal, I mean Felix’s house in Westbury-On-Trym some 6 miles away, impressive, even by Rance’s very high standards!

As the game progressed, it became more apparent that the Barely’s Centre Forward (aka Squealer) was getting very frustrated and began taking a few cheap shots at the Mondays defence when the ball had gone. Attempted ankle taps being the preferred cowardly act and distinctly un-casual league behaviour.

Rance had mentioned this on numerous occasions to the guy and after taking out Ben Ford he decided that a stamp on Stillman was required. Unfortunately for the budding “Cantona”, Coach Yarrow on the sidelines not only saw this, but decided that World War Three should start. For those not used to seeing this behaviour, Yarrow in this mood turns into the wife from hell, will not let it go!

The ref then called both captains together. Francis recalls... 'it may be the closest we've ever come to having Easton Monday players sent to the stands. Hurley and Yarrow were very close to a touchline ban.Squealer was getting abuse from Hurley on one side of the pitch and Yarrow on the other. Still, he was a twat.'

Finally the dust settled, Squealer totally oblivious to the fact that he was acting like a pr**k and all his team mates agreeing with Yarrow.

What happened next was, well predictable really, Rance decides to go straight through him making minimal contact with the ball, cue a shoulder shrugging Rance advising said Forward that at least he had gone for the ball. By this point the Barely’s striker had totally lost it, charging around like a bull in a china shop. “My work here is done” advised a smirking Mondays midfielder.

Pulling a goal back did nothing to placate him and even his team mates were fighting a losing battle trying to calm him down. Thankfully then Monday provided him with a metaphorical two-fingered salute in the form of another fine move as Felix's clearance was neatly headed on by colonel to Rob who crossed (yes crossed Steve!) for Morgan to plant one off his bonce.

Get in! 7-1 and up yours, Squealer!

Francis, took over Rance' running duties, and surged down the left and hearing the colonel asking once again to hit the spot, Felix duly delivered a perfect cross into the box. Recalling his own much ridiculed mantra of hard and low, colonel did just that (first touch on the half volley I might add) however he overlooked the issue of the keeper who seemed to have stumbled along his goal line to the exact spot he had placed his effort. Some suggested it was a good save, colonel however confessed... 'I wished that I possesed coach Yarrows skills as I could have 'given him the eyes' and miss hit it into the corner. Alas I hit it too well (at the keeper) and missed the glorious opprtunity to double my tally.'

Within minutes, Coach Yarrow decided that Francis and Rance were having far too much fun out there and decided that the pace of the game should drop considerably..... he took Rance off and brought himself on!