Easton Monday 3 - 1 Russell Athletic

  

[14 Oct : Fry's, Keynsham]

It was Sunday.

Both teams turned up. Laps drew the short straw and was given the reffing duties.

GAME ON

He later commented... "As any 'stand in, help out, not quite good enough for the team' type referee will tell you, it's a crappy job. Everyone hates you, and every decision you make is wrong. So it was to my utter delight that within 15 minutes of kick off, Felix squared up to a member of the opposition and muttered "I'm going to fucking kill you you cunt". Excellent. This was going to be a long match."

The Monday started strongly in an attempt to the irradicate the memory of losing the opening game of the season that saw them getting knocked out of the Cup at the first hurdle.

Easton Monday 1 - 0 Russell Athletic

Early pressure resulted in a corner from the right hand side which fell to Yazzer on the edge of the area. Withholding the urge to shoot, he slid the ball out to Newbs on the left who curled a ball back into the box. Sherri was alert enough to stay onside, and volleyed the ball expertly into the top right hand corner. Just like watching Arsenal!

Easton Monday 2 - 0 Russell Athletic

Easton were in total control when another superbly taken corner from Colonel was met by Stu who was trotting towards the corner to take the it himself. Halfway there he realised Colonel had already taken it so he shut his eyes, shook his head in disbelief and felt a thud. Opened his eyes to see ball ping into top corner.

Easton Monday 3 - 0 Russell Athletic

Barley 20 minutes had gone when a superbly timed through ball from Colonel, let in Sheridan who was on it like a flash (well puff maybe) and with Charlton and Newbs calling for a square ball he selfishly ignored them and struck it with the outside of his right boot into the bottom left. If he'd missed he would have been off the xmas card list.

Things quietened down for a bit apart from hearing Felix mutter "I'm gonna fackin kill you, you facking cant".

Having done his bit in making two goals (did I mention that?) Colonel retired for a well earned lie down. Ben Adams continues..."2 minutes after coming on to replace Earl Hickey I found myself in the opposition area, with the ball in front of me, all of their defenders behind me, and just their goalie between me and glory. Unfortunately, I'd still got my bionic knee on the "defensive clearance" setting. The ball eventually came down on the outskirts of Bath."

The first half petered out with the exception of Fele Francis informing someoned that a) he was a vagina, b) his mortality would shortly be demonstrated, and c) Fele was jollywell looking forward to it.

HALF TIME

Second half and Colonel entered the 'pit of abuse' that is known a reffing duties and Laps was free to run excitedly down the right wing. After a hand wave and a shout that Jon Howarth would've been proud of, Matt No Name looked up and floated in a wonderfully weighted cross from the left, lightly brushing the defender's spiky hair as it fell to Laps feet. He then surprised himself by controlling it with his right, then cutting it back onto his left. Next, this time to no one's surprise, he blazed a shot so far over the bar that he wasn't sure if he was going to be allowed back onto the field. He did later claim "... it was on my left" as if that made a difference.

The half continued in the same vein as the first with Monday piling on the pressure winning corner after corner, but with the absence of Colonel's deadly accurate passing (did i mention that he had made two of the goals?) they failed to convert the chances.

Colonel was still in the thick of the action however, being constantly accused of being a "fking cheating btard ref" by the opposition (not Felix).

The abuse got so bad that even mild mannered full back Marcus Teague (Player of last Season...he asked me to mention that) was heard to utter, well actually, shout "Just fuck off you scrawny length of piss" to their lanky striker in the no 5 shirt who apparently annoyed him all game with his constant moaning, snipes and allegations of cheating.

Despite Pete Sheridan (now linesman) continually telling Laps to get back into position, he once again scurried down the right wing. Because of course, he know best. He activated stealth mode by putting his finger to his lips. He then sneaked around the defender as Felix threaded the ball through the line of defence right onto his run. Unfortunately, the keeper loomed surprisingly quickly, and no sooner had his limp shot left his right boot, the keeper was clutching the ball like a baby. So rather than stand there like a lemon Laps decided to tumble over and throw in a few dramatic rolls.

Getting frustrated, their little centre back clocked Adams with a two footed, waist high, studs up challenge. Ben recalls... " Now I spend most games trying to avoid any physical contact with the opposition because I don't like getting hurt. So finding myself on the floor with stud marks all over me came as a bit of a surprise. Not knowing the correct etiquette for such situations, I opted for foul-mouthed indignation, stopping just short of outright confrontation (now known as Fele Stylee). I obviously over-cooked it a little, as even Yarrow suggested I should calm down a bit."

Easton Monday 3 - 1 Russell Athletic

Unable to add to the goal tally that Colonel had helped create, the opposition broke away to score a concilation goal. Retrieving the ball from the net was the only time Sir Lee in goal touched it.

The only other incident of note came as our whole midfield and defence stormed forward even though we were protecting a lead. Stu went on a mazy dribble, back towards his own half. Tiring himself out in the process he lost the ball, got shouted at by everyone, turned and covered his ears like a wee little lad being told off by his father.

Final result 3-1. Job done, mostly in the first half when Colonel was on the pitch.

Coach Yarrow was pleased though he did later claim to have played the glorious through ball to Pete (and not Colonel!) He did also manage two very gay slapped attempted volleys from flick outs from corners.

Brian later commented: 'Well done guys, I was going to come along and support you but got hammered on Saturday watching the Rugby and couldn't get my sorry butt out of bed.'