Easton Monday 6 - 2 Russell Athletic

[01 Apr : AXA Sun Life]

Blimey it was cold/warm/sunny/rainy/windy. Today's opponents were Russell Athletic - our cup final conquerors of a couple of seasons back - sporting what I imagine was their usual Dundee United-style kit. Or maybe not. Lapps turned up COMPLETELY hungover, having left some young filly with a satisfied smile and some treasured memories, and proceeded to drop half-a-dozen Alka Selzer into his Red Bull. As a punishment for looking so smug, he was handed a whistle and a stopwatch and told to referee. I feel sorry for the poor girl; she went to bed with Robert Downey Jr and woke up with Graham Poll.

GAME ON

Easton started by kicking into the wind/sun/rain. Brian would probably have done some shouting and Lee would've caught a cross, making the ball look the size of a golf ball in the process. Lappin would've been struggling to keep up with play (not to mention the rules) and I expect Easton were passing the ball around like some kind of Stars In Their Eyes veteran Arsenal side.

Easton 1 - 0 Russell

Coach Jones beat the offside trap/deep lying defence to set up Morgan Cummins who did well to finish what with the sun/rain/frost fogging up his goggles.

Easton 2 - 0 Russell

Crikey! It's another one! This time Stu Charlton going on a Wearside wander to finish neatly with his right/left/head following good work from someone. And possibly someone else. Well done. Having been asked 'how long till half-time?', Poll Lappin blew for half-time. 23 minutes had elapsed. Hmmmm, maybe his mind was elsewhere...

Easton 2 - 1 Russell

Another Lappin mistake (sorry Stu, I've lost track was he playing at this point or still 'refereeing'?) let in the Athletic striker/midfielder/winger and his cross/shot floated over Lee.

Felix sliced one wide and made a noise like one of his testicles had just exploded. Marcus latched onto one of their wingers and refused to let go - like that severed head in Evil Dead II.

Easton 2 - 2 Russell

Again using the wind, Athletic fashioned an equaliser when a Rance clearance was charged down and lobbed over Lee. Matty wandered around shaking his head and talking about his various injuries with everyone like they were physiotherapists or something.

HALF TIME

I like to imagine that Brian sat everyone down and reasoned calmly, making some concise, well thought out suggestions and encouraging everyone else to have an input. More likely, he shouted a lot and no-one took much notice.

GAME BACK ON

Easton 3 - 2 Russell

Morgan ran very fast, his feet managing to keep up for once, and put Easton 3-2 in front. Or he might've headed one in who knows? Not me, that's for sure. Stu tried to win another penalty Cristiano Ronaldo-style by taking a ridiculous swan dive in the box. It wasn't given.

Easton 4 - 2 Russell

One of the Steves had a big slanging-match with his opposite number. If it was Yarrow, they must've been mad but if it was Jones, they were probably justified. Having set up most, if not all the goals, Coach Jones got his name on the scoresheet cutting in from the right.

Easton 5 - 2 Russell

A fine effort from the other winger, nimble Newby speeding in from the left and scoring with a diving header/scuffed shot/wooly hat. Brian tried his luck but put his shot miles over the bar and Simon used his right foot (but only to stand on).

Easton 6 - 2 Russell

Morgan completed the scoring and his hat-trick with ... well, another goal. Well done him. Indeed, well done the whole team on a hard fought/easy/sketchy/predictable/unpredictable win. Monday still have a 100% record in the league and deserve great praise for reacting to their cup upset in the best possible way.