Easton Monday 6 - 0 Nailsea Old Boys

[05 Nov : Fry's, Keynsham]

A lot can change in five years - just ask Stu (anyone else seen his passport photo?) - and the tables have turned like a particularly slow revolving restaurant. Coach 'Rafa' Jones shuffled his pack and Monday showed a number of changes from their previous starting line-up: Brian took his brand of shouting and pointing into midfield replacing Steve Yarrow, given the morning to recover from a mighty hangover ("I managed to show up and not throw up", he why-ayed later). Stillman replaced Rance, adding an all important clapping aspect to the shouting and pointing. Newby was recalled to the left wing spot and Bionic Ben Adams came in for top scorer Stuart Charlton, although the missing Mackem would later (rightly) claim credit for all the goal assists.

Game On

Not long after kick-off and it was like the road in front of the train station at Naples - all one-way traffic with a series of near-misses - as Monday piled forward in numbers with Newby looking particularly impressive as he tormented Nailsea with his pace and facial hair.

Easton Monday 1 - 0 Nailsea Old Boys
Fifteen minutes in and captain fantastic Felix broke the deadlock with a volley from the edge of the box from a nod down by the absent Charlton (apparently).

Easton Monday 2 - 0 Nailsea Old Boys
Substitute Lappin came on for Ben after the screws on his ankle calipers had fallen out - Charlton's Wearside voodoo narrowly missing out on crocking Pete Sheridan - before Blazer himself grabbed number two from a Rance corner, flicked on by Charlton (or so he tells me).

The Monday back four were performing a kind of footballing okey-cokey - "up to the half-way line", "back to the box", "up to the half-way line", before the kind of comedy defending that used to be Easton's stock-in-trade resulted in Nailsea going three down.

Easton Monday 3 - 0 Nailsea Old Boys
A raking crossfield ball by Matt No Name was cut out by the Nailsea full-back who nodded past his own advancing keeper. A gleeful Sheridan sprinted in to score from about six inches while Newby was being wrestled to the floor by the keeper.

Easton Monday 4 - 0 Nailsea Old Boys
The half ended with Easton going four-nil in front when a flicked Lappin header (I know! A Lappin header!) found Newbs piling in at the back post. Even he couldn't miss from there.

Half-time

The second half failed to bring the anticipated onslaught from Nailsea. Marcus Teague, having grinned his way through the first half at left-back, switched flanks while No Name took a well-earned break, being replaced by Simon Field.

Easton Monday 5 - 0 Nailsea Old Boys
Field it was who added number five finishing off a fine move with a far post tap in (okay Stu, from your pass). The Old Boys briefly rallied; Sir flinging himself to his left to push a rare shot around the upright and a combination of keeper and Teague blocking a near post corner routine. Yarrow came on and took up a position as far away from the rest of us as possible (just in case) while the mercurial Lappin spun and shot in from the edge of the area only to see it ruled out by a linesman's flag.

Easton Monday 6 - 0 Nailsea Old Boys
Sheridan completed the scoring (and his hat-trick) again from less than a yard following fine work by a weaving Yarrow (trying to stand up straight) and a touch from Lappin. Three goals: total distance eighteen inches. Owen almost turned Easton into a soft drink (seven-up, duh) with a header cleared off the line and another clanging off the bar.

Coach Jones was jubilant, calling it "an all round magnificent squad performance with special congratulations to Lee and the defence for keeping a clean sheet - no mean feat against a team of Nailsea's level."

He also singled-out Lappin for "sterling service, coming on after only 15 minutes to play upfront against centre backs nearly twice his height," (and talent, he didn't add) and Rance: "Yes Brian, you were great as well." Lapps described his performance as: "Offside, offside, turn shoot miss, run, nice through ball, offside, cross it to Brian, thread it through for Simon, offside, miss, leaping header, slide into far post, miss, offside, offside, bloody offside, run onto Steve's through ball, ON-SIDE, miss, flick up with left, turn, volley with right, GOAL! Shit, offside (allegedly), run, run a bit more, offside, swear, shout at Brian, ON-SIDE, miss, knackered, final whistle, collapse, eat jelly-babies, collect money, get drunk." He failed to add that he 'forgot' to pay for the pitch and that the money was just 'resting' in his account.

This reporter would like to add the names of Felix Francis who ran the game with a commanding midfield performance - how nice to see Nailsea players tumbling like skittles as they bounced off him; Marcus Teague who didn't put a foot wrong all morning and the youthful Owen whose pace and reading of the game nullified any threat from the opposition.

So, the mighty Monday roll on with their third win of the season. Not so much a cricket score as a tennis score (6-0), this win puts us ahead of Greg Rusedski in the UK rankings and means that we don't need a wildcard to play in next year's Wimbledon! Hurrah!

Match Day photos by Owen's Ma